Escape the Misery Trap

I used to play a lot of video games when I was younger.

And by "a lot", I mean a helluva lot. I loved immersing myself in another world, having a clear goal and working towards it in an engaging and motivating way. The levels of dopamine I got from playing video games were insane.

I didn't see a problem until I realized one thing.

I started de-prioritizing my family, friends, and social life in general. I was more focused on completing the weekly raid in Destiny than on checking in with my grandma or meeting up with a friend in real life. Why should I invest effort in those activities when I could feel good immediately from playing video games?

Prioritizing short-term happiness over long-term happiness almost ruined my life. 

Luckily, I eventually realized this and created a framework that enabled me to flip this mindset on its head:

Micro struggle, macro joy.

This is what I will introduce you to today.

Let's dive in!

Cheap dopamine is the recipe for misery

Here are a few situations that might represent your behavior:

• You find yourself scrolling on social media for hours and feel miserable afterwards

• You suffer from impulsive buying behavior but fail to achieve your financial goals

• You generally prioritize short-term happiness over long-term happiness

I'm sure you've been in situations like this before. We're all in situations like this from time to time.

Social media, our smartphones and the internet make it very easy to engage in this kind of behavior. The dopamine we get in these situations is easy, fast and guaranteed because you cannot fail to hit the right app symbol and then scroll for the next 1-2 hours. But the time you've lost after pulling yourself out of the last Instagram rabbit hole is lost forever.

By prioritizing your short-term joy, you end up feeling miserable overall.

Therefore, this is my thesis:

Micro joy leads to macro struggle.

The 2 types of joy

"Joy" is the general state of feeling good and safe.

Your brain emits dopamine, and you feel well as a result. However, there are two types of joy.

First, there's cheap dopamine. This dopamine isn't earned. You simply open social media, buy something online or binge-watch your favorite TV show.

Second, there's earned dopamine. As the name says, here you've earned the feel-good hormone. You hiked up a mountain, prepared some food or did some focused work.

The 2 types of struggle

"Struggle" is what I generally see as leaving your comfort zone.

The two main aspects of this look like this:

First, you need to exert some effort. Whatever you're doing isn't easy for you. Therefore, it feels uncomfortable.

Second, you make mistakes. You fail to "be successful" because you haven't gained enough skill and experience.

Both of these aspects make you feel like a loser.

Putting it all together: why you need to earn your dopamine

The standard conclusion from this would be to maximize joy and minimize struggle.

Why should I feel uncomfortable, exert effort and feel like a loser all the time? If I am not good at something right away, I'm not meant to do it in the first place. And what are others gonna think of me?

While this all sounds relatable, think about it for a moment.

If you adopt this mindset, what types of dopamine are left for you to feel? Will it be cheap dopamine, or earned dopamine? Without struggle, you'll never be able to earn your dopamine.

By avoiding struggles at all costs, you're avoiding earning your dopamine - and therefore end up feeling miserable on the macro scale.

This is why "micro struggle, macro joy" was so powerful for me.

It reminds me that real winners don't avoid struggle, but embrace it. Struggle and joy aren't two opposed concepts that contradict each other. The former is the process that will lead to the latter in the long run.

Some of my best memories and experiences (my biggest joys on the macro) came from struggling in the micro:

• Finishing a marathon as a non-runner but having to train every day for almost a year

• Hiking up Huayna Potosí, a 6000 masl mountain in Bolivia but suffering each step of the way

• Exploring Patagonia in a camper van, but having to live with less comfort

• Starting this newsletter, not knowing if it's gonna take off

I could endlessly continue this list, but I guess you get my point.

So how could you implement this concept right now?

Stay seeking.

Philipp